my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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