Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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