Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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