i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
