ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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