Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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