The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
