i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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