I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
