I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
