Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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