Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
