i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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