her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
