He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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