We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
