I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
