How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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