It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
