I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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