dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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