I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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