I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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