3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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