Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
