Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Found the puke drawer
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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