Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
