OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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