hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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