Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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