Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
