Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
