In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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