I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
