the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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