Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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