dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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