We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
