Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
