it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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