I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
