So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
