escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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