I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
