I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
