oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
