Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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