I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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