I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
