This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
well you can't waste a boner
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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