Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize