I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
