dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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