Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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