we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
