she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it glows. i had to have it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
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