whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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