I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
