Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
