she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
