So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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