dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
