and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
