Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
