I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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