try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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