he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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