i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
