youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
