You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
