david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
