there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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