wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
