I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
