Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
