just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
